How to Overcome Divorce? | I Can't Believe It's Over! Video 3 of 4

Going through any type of separation or relationship break up is quite devastating and definitely life changing for all those involved.  I remember when I thought that I was a failure because my first marriage failed.  I felt that because it didn’t work out the way I planned it; that I failed.  Getting married again or even falling in love was not at the top of my agenda as the enemy made me feel that I was insufficient; fell short and was not capable of achieving the desired end result which was a happy, healthy and successful marriage.  All of me did not believe that my Mr. Right existed or was even still available as I failed at my one and only opportunity. 

I did not understand that God was a God of second chances, third, fourth and fifth.  The reason all this was oblivious to me is because I did things my way and not God’s way, so I obtained my results not God’s results. Anytime we do things outside the will of God; He will not bless or honor it! 

Even after God released me from this marriage; there were things that I still had to deal with emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritual.  I needed to be restored and to be quite honest; I wasn’t sure how to do just that.  Naturally, I begin to think about how I was going to recover from this.  I mean, I was in this relationship for over a decade and I depended heavily on my ex to be the sole financial provider for the home.  I took a back seat in that department and allowed him to “take care of things”. I didn’t realize it at that time, but I handicapped myself in many areas of my life which caused major setbacks later on, but once it was over; I had to accept my life for what it was. 

Although, I was not thrilled about being single again – this was my new reality and I accepted it.  You may be asking how?  

#1 - I stopped blaming myself for everything that went wrong in the relationship and for the divorce!

 #2 – I realized that this was not my end, but only my beginning and was determined to pick up the pieces of my life and Triumph through it!

Here are 6 Tips that helped me along the way and kept me together Spiritually, Mentally, Physically and Emotionally and can do the same for you:

1.      Wife (You): I sought after support from my close friends and family to help me cope with my life after divorce. I needed them to help keep me active and focused on me and my son.  I focused on my Spiritual growth and oneness with myself and I had to get used to being with self again and learn to enjoy it.

2.      Children: I had to keep it together for my son. Although he was only a toddler at the time; I had to protect him from the effects of a separation/divorce.  Typically after a divorce all hell breaks loose with the wife/children. Children typically tend to act out because they are unable or unwilling to accept and cope with the fact that dad is gone. 

a.       Here are some strategies you can implement if children are involved: 

·   Assure the child (ren) that everything is going to be ok and that the separation/divorce was not their fault.

·   Encourage the child (ren) that as their mother, you will do everything in your power to protect and cover them and provide for their needs.

·   Let them know that things will be different, but that does not change your love for them.

3.      Family Outings: In my case; my ex did not frequently interact or engage in family outings, but if this was the case for you; you will have to get use to attending family outings without your ex. 

a.       Here are some strategies for facing the family:

·   Make no apologies for what happened, and ensure your family knows that you have accepted your new reality as a single woman/mother and you desire their love and support through this process. 

·   This is not the time for "I told you so" from the family as you will need them to embrace you and help you to move past this.

·   Tell them that they can help by simply being there.

4.      Finances:  Like me, you will more than likely go through the “I can't financially survive without him” at some point. Remember, this is your new reality; so you can and you will!

a.       Here are some strategies for facing financial adversity due to separation/divorce.

·   Create a budget if you have not done so prior and seek financial guidance if needed to help reevaluate your debt to income portfolio to see what changes need to occur.

·   You may have to downsize and live a lifestyle that maybe different or awkward.  I know I had to, big time but it is ok.  You will regain what you lost soon enough and have an opportunity to live even better but for now – this is your new reality so changes are needed!

5.      Chores/Housework: For those children that are of age, involve them more in household chores and if you have a male child, explain to him that it is not his responsibility to take over the male parent role, but all children will do a little more to help mom with chores/housework and added responsibility (for example: older siblings driving younger siblings to school, appointments etc).

6.      Healing Process:  You will have to forgive your ex and when your children see that you are willing and able to forgive; they will follow suit.  In addition, eventually they will accept the new life without dad being in the house because you have and your life will be evident of this. Once your healing and restoration process takes place; you will exude a woman who is happy, free in God, whole and complete.  You will now be at a place where your life is on a new path and in due season (God’s timing) and if it is your desire; He will prepare you for a happy, healthy and successful marriage the second time around but for now EMBRACE your current season!

Learn to Triumph in the Midst of Your Adversity

The devil is defeated and you have the victory.  You are an overcomer, you can Triumph! There is no nothing stopping you from being Victorious!  Oftentimes, when you hear of someone who experienced the same thing as you and they overcame; it is all the inspiration you need to take the next step and experience that in your life too! 

P.S. Be sure to leave a comment and share your experience or take away from this blog.  Also if you have not already be sure to download your free report at rollingwiththepunchesbook.com.

~Treal of Jill and Treal